Got balls?! …or what you didnt know about Paintball
My palms are sweaty, I can feel my heart beat accelerating and I can’t stand still.
We are at Paintball Jamaica, just 25 minutes outside of Montego Bay in Trelawny. After signing the paper works we are now ready to draw our teams.
There are 2 experienced paintballers, 1 modern pentathlon athlete (professional level) and the useles rest of us. 8 in total, 4 per team. Guess who wasn’t in my team? Exactly, these guys…
I read somewhere that you can dampen your nervous system with sharp intakes of breath, making you less sensitive to pain. It only works if you hold your breath just before the pain. But would I be able to hold my breath for the length of a paintball game? I cannot even hold my breath long enough when I get my eyebrows done.
So I put on all my combat gear aka motocross protectors, including shin and knee guards. You never know. My friends mocking me already.
Inside the field I am too nervous to do some training shots. Plus I don’t want to waste any of my balls.
The marshall, our referee, gives us instructions on the game and safety rules. I can hardly concentrate, I just wanna go already.
My gun, sorry, paintball marker is locked. Dammit. How come? I released the safety. Found another pin on top of it that I could slide back and it works.
Finally he lets us go, “Face the Fence”, I think I have goosebumps in my neck now.
I almost run into a pile of wood palettes, shots flying past my ears. These goggles plus my anxiety create a kind of a tunnel vision that doesn’t really help.
I crawl forward, hide behind some barrels and keep shooting like my real life depends on it.
Blubbb, I got shot. Right in my face. I can only see one big splash of yellow paint through my mask. Bumbaat! That’s it? I’m out?! Not even 2 minutes into the game and my dream of fame is already destroyed??
The marshall comes over and wipes my mask. I feel like a baby getting a diaper change. In public.
He lets me stay in the game. I hear our opponents “That’s Cheeeaaating” and one millisecond later the paintballs bursting on my hideout again.
I have no clue where my team mates are, somewhere behind or beside me.
The Epic Rookie Fail…
I get up and run, shooting in all directions, don’t care about wasting balls anymore. I only have one goal, take out the other team members.
Blubb, another shot hits me on my leg. Apparently the hands,neck, top of the head and thighs are the most sensitive spots. Getting hit with a paintball at a high speed, close range and direct angle hurts like hell. Guess I was lucky, that one didn’t hit me straight. Only shots to your head, back and chest count anyways. All gudd.
By now I am in the middle of the field hiding behind some huge tires. Soaking wet, sweaty and almost dizzy by the adrenaline I try to figure out where my rivals are. Probably 100 shots have missed me. I am not that bad after all. Yeah, rite!
Suddenly I hear a bang and a “Tag”!
Huh?!? I am out. Basically bitch-slapped out of the game.
Being the first out I have no choice but to notice that paintball is not what I thought it was.
It’s a team sport and it requires planning and strategy with your team mates. Its a modern version of the children game Tag. Your ‘gun’ is the marker to see who got tagged. And there I was thinking about playing war and I get to be a super hero for a minute. Stoooopid.
We played another round, switched out team members and I lasted a bit longer the second game. On my way out of the field talking to the marshall I got shot again. One of my team mates just shot me right in my side, the only spot I had no protection. Of courrrrse she didn’t do that on purpose.
Did you know that…
Paintball markers were invented in the early 1960’s by a guy called Charles Nelson. Rangers and forestry workers were looking for a solution how to mark timber and stray cattle over a distance. The spray guns they used before did not work if there was a river or other obstacles between them and the object to mark. So Charles invented the paintball. Eventually those guys started shooting at each other for fun and the game was born. Read more about paintball history here.
If you don’t mind getting down and dirty and you know how to listen to directions better than me, you will not only last longer in the game, you will also have a ton of fun with your friends… and epic colourful bruises to brag about for the rest of the day.
And if you are even more of a wuss than I am, you can always play the kid’s version SPLATMASTER! Read more about it and how Max and his friend’s mastered their battle in our next post.
Please leave a comment, I really do care what you think.
This is my first blog post and I am still learning. English is also not my first language, its German. But if you get upset about misspelling, bad words or incorrect grammar, this might not be the right blog for you anyways 😝
To make someone smile just hit the share button!